Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Part 1: If one more person asks me why I'm still single...

I'm going to ________________. (Fill in the blank if you are feeling me. I'd love to hear more.)

You know. I do not even have words for this anymore. Other than, "Don't ask me that stupid question again." Can I just be real for a moment? For some strange reason this seems my BIG secret, and I am not willing to tell anybody. (Twilight Zone music fades in.)

From family to friends to complete strangers, why do people ask me this question as if this is an equation where we have to find the missing variable, X. I've got news for you: This ain't algebra class. There is no reason. Simply put, "It is not my time, and I am 100% cool with God's plan." (Note: I am human and do have my moments.)

Sometimes people treat me like I'm a social reject or something, and I'm getting pretty sick of it. So, I am standing up for all the singles out there who share my pain. Do people seriously believe that this is a huge problem that I must resolve in order to be happy and have a complete life? News flash: This is not a problem for me. Now, I've got some problems don't get me wrong, but this really ain't one of them. This is a problem: How I'm going to pay for my tuition bill this last semester for b-school. And this is a problem: How am I going to discipline myself to finish this business plan.

Want to hear some funny solutions that have been posed to me? I have too much personality. (What the heck does "too much" mean? Hmm, I can't seem to find that phrase defined anywhere in my HANDY DANDY SINGLE DICTIONARY!) This one is the killer: You're just too educated, independent and career-driven. (Excuse me, but what is the scriptural reference stating that I am REQUIRED to be poor, uneducated and co-dependent? I can't seem to find it in my GREAT BIG SINGLE BIBLE!) It is amazing what people will tell you even though I know 99% of them mean well. As if I don't have a single redeeming quality about me.

Honestly, this really gets on my nerves. I am not looking for an apology or a pep talk here either. I'm just expressing myself. I know that we all have something to change and work on, but that's life, right?

World according to the Kidd - A problem is something or situation that appears to have no solution, but one actually exists. You can by some means solve it vis-a-vie acquiring more resources, getting someone to help, improving your skills, increasing your knowledge and so forth. Now, can I do any of those things to solve this perceived problem of my singlehood? I think not. Been there, done that, and got a t-shirt.

Hope I didn't get too crunk there. Think of it more as a healthy frustration sprinkled with a pinch of sarcasm.

I have been studying a lot about this topic for the past 3 years or so and have much to say about it. So I've decided to chop it up a little. But before I get to Part II, I'm interested in the thoughts of those of you in e-land. I am getting sleepy now. You know us single folks have to work.

On the positive closing note: What a lovely day it has been for me! "God is light, and in him, there is no darkness at all." Isn't that beautiful? (1 John 1:5) He is my best friend. I hope that He is yours.

Good night,

Kidd Grown
1 Corinthians: Chapter 7


Blogger mrsgman said...

What is up on the business plan? Do you still need investments? You know what? Sometimes I wish I was still single, because I didn't really have a chance to be single, so I cannot feel your frustration, but for real though, being married is a hard thing to get adjusted to, and think that by you being whole in God make the adjustment a little more easy. And to those guys with those lame excuses, they feel inferior to you and evidently their are not whole in their egos or God!

9:32 AM  
Blogger mrsgman said...

I didn't proofread my post, but ya'll get the picture!

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AMEN, AMEN and AMEN, sista Kidd Grown.
I so hear you. Why is it when people ask if you're married and you respond no and then they ask if you have a boyfriend and you respond no..they look at you like you got the plague. Their faces get out of alignment and they take a huge pause...I'm like hello! Where did you go? To la la land. I just said I didn't have a husband or a boyfriend. I didn't say I was an athiest or I just killed someone.
I really think we tend to live in a society where we are defined by the job, car, man/woman, home, etc we have. I would love to be in a relationship but it's just not my time. I'm out there, I'm open (not just to black men either), I got a good job, goals/morals, friendly, cute smile and I must say body not that shabby..and yep, still single. Funny, how people have to tell you things about yourself to justify why you are still single. Yet, those are the same people that I question HOW DID YOU GET SOMEONE???

7:18 PM  
Blogger ciamari said...

It just hit me! Now I'm a brotha, and I have to admit that I have looked at a couple of sistas like they had the "plague" (that is too funny) when it came to this single question. I did! And I agree with the anonymous writer on the comment about how society (or man) defines you by your job, car, man/woman, etc. My thing is this: cute girl, w/values and goals, ambitious, you know all the froo-froo, but no man. Why? Now before you ladies go off the deep end, please continue to read.

The question arises from a pre-disposed disposition of mind of the woman. Oh this just came could be several reason why we (specifically men but also people in general) would have this disposition of mind. However, I want to focus on two (2).

1) Some of yall sistas be lyin'. Some women say they have a man in an attempt to turn the brotha down, easily (so they say). I can hear yall now, "...Sounds like you are talking from experience..." Yeah, I have been shot down a couple of times, but mind you my closing ratio is pretty good. I don't get shot down often. As a matter of fact, my last time being shot down (as I recall) was in '92 (kidding). Back to seriousness. Now, I am going to step out and say, that this is probably a good reason why the question of why you are still single arises, because we (men) have now been programmed that pretty girl/woman (since girl is sometimes abhorred), values, goals, and all the other froo-froo generally have a man. No excuse, just reality. I ain't scurred (scared) of yall.

2. Another pre-disposed disposition of mind is worldly dating. The world says that you should not be single if you possess certain characteristics (i.e. froo-froo, attractiveness, physique, etc.). But that is just an impractical trick that the enemy will use to get you to hook up with the wrong person, ultimately aborting your destiny. Ideally if he (the enemy) can steal your fruit (a healthy relationship) by getting you to hook up with someone not connected to your destiny, then as I have said before, 1/3 of his ministry is achieved and/or your destiny is delayed.

I am currently on staff at my church assisting my spiritual mother in facilitating this year's Celibacy program. It is not what you think. This is an extrememly powerful class and helped me to see relationships from another prospective. However, my spiritual mother said something this past weekend in reference to dating...she said that we (saints) need to get back to holiness when it comes to dating. What do you mean? Cut out all of this casual dating and simply wait. For you have need of patience (and I am talking to myself too). We, sometimes, get into relationships by default. What did she mean? She meant that we often times get into unfruitful relationships because the brotha approached me and he was cute and he had it goin' on and now we are dating; a relationship by default.

We get in too much of a hurry and end up in stuff we don't want to be in. So sistas I believe I understand what is taking are just waiting and becoming whole as a person, getting prepared for Boaz, and enjoying the life that GOD has blessed you with. Well I agree, I am waiting also and getting prepared for Ruth and enjoying life b/c I am about sick of all this other jazz and burdens from casual dating. Pray for what you want and be prepared for what you ask for. For example, if you are praying for a brotha/sista with good credit, be sure your credit is in order. THIS IS GOOD. Thank your LORD for this revelation that I have received because that little bit of information I received from this class helps shine a great big light in on a word called "patience."

I hope this was a blessing to you as it was to me.

Fear not, stand still (WAIT), and see the salvation of the LORD...


9:05 AM  

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