Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Part II: If one more person asks me why I’m still single.

Before you read any further I need to define a very important term here. Boaz - my ram in the bush, my soul mate, the one who is specifically called to me by God, and the one that I am waiting on.)

I hope I didn’t come down too hard in my last post about being single. Being married is way cool, and if you happen to marry young (less than 25) that’s perfectly A-okay. That’s just not my tale. I know plenty of married people who wish they that were single or wish they had waited longer before marriage. On the other hand, I know plenty of married people who married young and are extremely happy. So go figure! Believe me; I look very forward to meeting and spending the rest of my days with Boaz. The divorce rate is too high for people to rush into marriage. Shoot, looking back, I didn’t know what the heck I was doing in my twenties. I was still trying to figure out how to get to work at the same time everyday and how to develop a consistent prayer life.

In the meantime, God has placed a burning passion within me to pray for Boaz and to speak blessings over his life. If you are single, this is a good habit to start practicing. Start covering his finances (cause a sista can’t be broke), his career, his vision, wisdom, etc. whatever you feel in your spirit to pray for him, just do it. I’m sure that he’ll appreciate it later, and this will get you into the routine of doing so once you get married. I look forward to Mr. Right, but right now, I am focusing on becoming Mrs. Right.

Not everything will be perfect, but at least I will have a great start. I know so many people who have gotten married too young and are struggling or are divorced…and these are Christians. I was taught by Bishop Eddie Long that we should try to be assets not liabilities to our life partners. That means when Boaz adds me to his portfolio, the value of it should increase. Not talking about the spiritual things only, but portfolio encompasses his health, spiritual walk, emotions, mentality, finances, etc. Now, that’s being value-added. (BTW, he should increase the value of my stock as well.)

Paul talked about advantages to both married and single life. We all have to be happy in our current state. Paul who was speculated to have been married at one point in his life was a dynamic single. So was Jesus. Paul wrote half of the New Testament and Jesus was the savior of the world. Now, neither of them would’ve accomplished anything great if they had focused so much of their time and energy on being married. Instead, they were about their father’s business.

Personally, I’m learning that single life is my time to devote to the work of God and take risks – personal, financial and career. Paul was on point when he said that the single’s focus is on God, while the wedded person’s focus is on pleasing the spouse. Now that I am a little older, I know that I probably might not have gone back to school, moved to another across the US, quite my plushy corporate job to start a business, change my investment strategy, and volunteer 20+ hours a week. I’m not saying that these can’t be done by the married person, but I am being realistic. Additionally, the thing I enjoy most about being single is just having time to think and rest whenever I feel like it.

We trust God with everything else, but it is so funny how we don’t trust him with two things usually – money and finding a mate for us. For these two topics, we feel that we have to tell him what needs to be done.

Before I get too carried away, what is your take on singleness? I do want to share some things that I’ve been doing and have done while waiting for Boaz - some things that have worked and haven’t worked too well. You know what they say, “Good things come to those who wait.”

Single, young, fabulous and expecting,

Kidd Grown


Anonymous ARi said...

People of God, let me tell you something, I believe that marriage can be a wonderful thing. I have not experienced it, but in the context of spirituality, it can be awesome. The hard thing is waiting. I want to be incredibly honest, I was desperate at one point. Now don't get me wrong...I'm a nice looking don't get it twisted. What I am saying is that when marriage is on your mind, it can cloud your better judgement and you can find yourself in relationships you know you should not have been in or just spending time with someone you shouldn't have been.

So what is the best remedy against a spirit of despondency? In my opinion, being content and patient. For the Book says that we have need of patience that after we have done the will of God that we may receive the promise. What promise? The desire that He put in your heart. Furthermore, the Book says that in whatsoever state we are in to be content.

On the flip-side, a spirit of despondency is a trick of the enemy. It roots from a spirit of fear. The book says that He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. The enemy wishes to attack your mind. If he can cloud your thinking with you contemplating whether or not this new person you met is your wife or not, then 1/3 of his ministry is achieved. With the mind we serve the Lord. However, he wishes to steal your relationship (worship) with the Lord and cause you to get into a state or worry. Not worry in the sense of frantic, but worry in which your mind is inundated with question after question, and if God has not give the spirit of fear (worry) then who are we serving?

To accept the fact that I was suffering from a spirit of despondency was a relief in itself. Now, I know I have gotten off scope, in reference to the theme which started this blog in the first place. But I wanted to share this with other readers who might not recognize what is going on and have been faced with this same question, "Why are you single?" The question in itself is rhetorical. It can be address in a plethora of different ways...but let me say most cases, this is a device of the enemy to steer you in the wrong direction and make you wonder, "Why am I still single?"

The answer, in my opinion, is because I have not been presented to my mate (ladies) or I haven't found my mate (men). Now let me also say this, the word "find" is not predicated upon the physical action of looking as to search for something. However, it is defined in terms of being visually aware when an item of interest intercepts the sense of sight. Better defined as such...I could be be walking down the street and "find" a $50 bill. Now I wasn't looking for it, but I did find it (you know the saying, finders keepers...losers...).

At any rate I hope this blog has been a blessing to you. Take care!


10:03 PM  
Anonymous Nikki said...

It's late and I should be in the bed...but, I just had to say how wonderful this site is. Your posts are witty, imaginitive, inspirational and thought-provoking...okay, now I feel like this is getting deep...but you get the picture. keep'm coming girlfriend (sorry, Kidd Grown)... and AMEN, AMEN for speaking out on behalf of all the independant, educated, sophisticated, career-minded, and Spirit-filled sistahs...

Another thought...
Have you realized that most of the brothas in church don't know how to approach us. The stories I've heard are amusing, but unfortunate for both parties...the men are trying, yet the women don't really know how to read their intentions. What do you think?

10:25 PM  
Blogger chioma said...

From a personal experience, being saved and single is not attractive to black men, since salvation requires a great deal of purity... (If you know what I mean). I say black men specifically since that is the only group I deal with on a romantic level. BUT, if one is dedicated to Christ, then she/he is willing to sacrifice the flesh for God's approval. At this point in life, I have simply decided to wait. I have made a decision to keep praying for a mate, but most importantly for a mate whose purpose coincides with mine. Two people with two different purposes only end up competing with one another, which makes them more susceptible to divorce. I pray for a man that would love me just as God's word has commanded him to love his wife. I am very specific in my prayer since God is a God of specificity. My other prayer is that when God reveals me to my mate that he is confident enough to know that it was God speaking to him. To gain this level of confidence in God's revelation, he must be a man that walks closely with God. The fourth thing I pray for is his willingness to say yes to the revelation. If salvation (which is more important than marriage) is a choice, then surely, accepting the mate that God has showed to you is also a personal choice. The fifth thing I pray for is for God to marry us in his perfect timing. Obtaining a promise while it's not in season might limit the level of blessings encompassed in that promise. Lastly, I pray that my mate has courage enough to approach Too many times brothers tell me that I can be intimidating, but once they get to know me, they thing I am a trip. I can't help it, there's something about this African woman that make brothers say dang... (I crack myself up)

5:42 PM  
Blogger Alg said...

I cannot believe that I stumbled upon your website... I am enjoying it!!!! It is so amazing that I too have felt compelled to pray for my Boaz, trust me I am doing that. thsi site is a confirmation that I did hear from!!!

6:54 PM  
Blogger Alg said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:55 PM  
Blogger Alg said...

I cannot believe that I stumbled upon your website... I am enjoying it!!!! It is so amazing that I too have felt compelled to pray for my Boaz, trust me I am doing that. thsi site is a confirmation that I did hear from!!!

7:00 PM  

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